a brothers duet
by Vonerra
Summary: just take a moment to read this alright? a story unfolds in the eyes of toguro's older brother. his side of the story of lies, deceit, blood and ghastly screams and his guilt.
1. A Tall Tale

_A Brother's Duet: _

_A Tall Tale Chpt.1 _

When he told me of the tournament I knew he wanted me to be there, to avenge his fallen students. How could I not? They meant everything to him. Yet there was a gnawing, restless feeling in the pit of my stomach. _What had he done for me? After he met Genkai he completely ignored me, it was like I never existed. And she, she never gave me the time of day either. If I didn't know any better, which I might not, I'd say she was a bit afraid of me. Those two spent all their time devoted to each other, leaving me to train by myself. It grew to a point where I barely saw him, then to where he was always absent. _

I quickly got up, brushed myself off and headed for the pond.

_**Hate. **_

_**Anger. **_

_**Rebellion. **_

_**Defiance. **_

_**Betrayal. **_

_**Redemption. **_

**_Murder_**.

All this swelled up inside of me like a hot air balloon.

Hate- what's not to see? He left me for her. He left his own flesh and blood for a _woman_. Sure she was beautiful, and hard not to love, but to have forgotten your own brother for _love_ made me see red as my already boiling blood, boiled hotter.

Anger- anger follows hate. It's an aftermath, the mass of destruction after ones demise. It flowed through me like a flooding river, chilling my bones, and freezing my blood. I was angry with him for coming to me for help, for my understanding and I gave it to him. I was angry with myself too, for letting me do this. He doesn't deserve the help and understanding I practically threw at his feet.

Rebellion- rebellion, counterparts with anger. It brings out this strong desire to turn against the ones that mean the most to you. I want to tell him that I won't go with him, that I don't understand his motives. Whirling emotions cloud my mind, but the one that sticks out the most is rebellion. I don't want to go to that damnable tournament, just because my brother asked me to. Yet at the sight of his face after the destruction of his students I curse myself and move on, knowing someday I will need his help and that he might not be there...God I hate myself for these times.

Defiance- is a brother to rebellion. Funny I should compare them as brothers, seeing as they work better together than I ever will with mine. For the love of any God that's watching over me, I am the older of us, yet here I am following him around like a lost sheep. I am really that pathetic? I want to stand against him, put my foot down on the matter that I am not going to that tournament, and that he will have to deal without me, which I'm sure he can since he's proved he already has. But as any good mother has taught her sons, I am his older brother, I should be looking out for him, and God knows that I'd feel guilty if something happened to him. I am growing soft in the corners of my mind and it is slowly seeping throughout me like trickling water.

Betrayal- speaks for itself. It's as simple as that. Betray him and let him see what it is like, leave him for someone else, leave him in the dark to be endlessly wondering what is going on through that damn head of mine. Let him wonder if he'll ever see me again. But no I couldn't do that, I just can't bring myself to stoop that low, although the pleasure of leaving him behind is too great for one man, for one insane man I might add, to stand.

Redemption- is a new feeling that has yet to make a big appearance. You don't know how hard it is to control this feeling from overpowering all the rest. It's an inner struggle just to let myself go limp and follow him to the end.

Murder- ha! How I would love to skewer that perfect face of his, to watch him scream and writher in agony...to watch as blood paints with its red fingers, everything it touches. But that's the inner demon in me. Besides, I can't bring myself to skewer the only thing I have left in this miserable place they call earth.

The pond looked more enticing than could ever thought imaginable. These strings of bombs these pathetic ningens call _emotions_ are really starting to blur everything. Without pausing to unwrap the clothing that hung about my form like a pillowcase, I started to slice through the calm waters, taking in the refreshing feeling it had. How long had it been since I had a moment of peace? Even alone I couldn't escape the torment of little demons chasing one another through my mind. I could not rid myself of these, these _emotions. _I was up to my neck in crystal liquid before I decided to halt. Realizing I couldn't go any farther without swimming, I took in my surroundings. I sighed as I thought of our childhood. Everything had been so simple back then. Training hadn't even crossed our mind until adolescence. Even then we stayed together, like wax to a candle. And just like the candle we had our moments where we dripped away from one another. Now the candle has burnt out, the wax gone, the wick charred.

Now my clothes swam about me, almost as if they were trying to free themselves of this burden. One by one I slowly peeled them away, save for my boxers of course...I know what you are thinking and I'm not about to fulfill your giggling thoughts. I had left my shoes a long time ago, now my clothes and I were partially free from burden. I knew I wouldn't retrieve them; they would sink to the bottom for some unlucky fisherman to catch. As for me, my burden was just beginning. At least for now I had some weight lifted. Tilting my head skyward I caught a few drops of rain. It suited me fine. Diving under I swam to a lagoon I had only recently discovered. Already a light fog engulfed me and seaweed tugged at my ankles and pulled at my legs; I swam onward. Bullfrogs let out deep, throaty croaks of understanding to one another, for the second time that day, I found myself sighing. _They_ were happily living amongst each other..._they_ had the comfort of knowing they were safe with each other's presence. I had no such thing, only despair, hatred, and loneliness. I shook my head sending wisps of wavy hair into my face, eyes, and mouth. I dunk my head under relieving it from wispy tendrils of hair. I had come along way, but I bore no pain, in fact I was almost sad this journey was about to end, for there in front of me was a rock, not an ordinary one mind you, but a boulder the size of a small house. Ok not so wide, but it was tall, although you only saw part of it, for it hid its mass underneath the murky depths. As I swam nearer, a wave of comfort washed over me. As I clambered up upon it I felt solitude. Here I gathered my thoughts and tucked them away for later use. But as of now, I would think of no such things, just peace.

You would think a man like me wouldn't have such emotions. You'd be surprised. What I hadn't realize was that in due time I was about to become ruthless. I was about to sell my soul to the devil for the sake of my brother and my own greed.

Now I bet you're wondering how I got out of that plant. For one thing I'm immortal, that plant, however, was not. I surprised myself. My brother didn't come, even if he hadn't submitted himself to hell, he wouldn't have come for me anyway. I believe he was disgusted with me. Who could blame him, so was I. Looking back, I thought to myself, 'what had I done? Why did I do that?' The restless, ruthless spirit that had me by the throat during the tournament, was now raging inside of me. Raging inside the plant, making its grip tighter. Flashes of murder, deceit, lies, blood, screams of agony filled my mind every waking moment. They raged on loudly, making it impossible to tell my breathing from my screaming. It took ages before I submitted myself to silence. I let those memories wash over me like waves. And soon that restless demon in me resided to dark lonely corners, never to be seen again. I was able to find peace within myself, and it wasn't easy. By doing that, the plant released its monstrous grip and I fell free. But I was terribly weak. I could hardly stand let alone walk. My voice was still shot. My throat burned of acid. Even demons had to eat, drink, pee and sleep. The only problem I didn't have was peeing, me being male of course. Sleeping while your mind raged, your throat burned, your screams of torment never ceasing, and you hunger for freedom, doesn't exactly make it easy.

Slowly I began to realize that while it may not be tasty, the plant was, after all, edible. And it did rain splattering the plant and I with liquid. There were leaves all around me so catching droplets was easy, it's when it rained that wasn't. It didn't rain enough, yet some how I survived. Maybe it was my will to live, my stubbornness, or my will to make things right, to prove to whoever, that I will get out, and make good out of all the years I wasted.

I bet you're confused. I'm looking back on my past, which was what happened before the tournament, I have jumbled my thoughts together. Some thoughts from the past and some from the present are sliding into each other. As of now I am sitting on that rock again, collecting my thoughts and getting ready to tell you the tale of a lifetime. I hope that by reading this you've changed your view on me. I know that there will be times you'll hate me, want to crush me, yet cry with me at the same time.


	2. A Brother's Sorrow

_Yes I tried so vainly to keep Naomi/kyoko out of this but it's so hard...I know im impossible...but seeing as I'm (so far at least) his only admirer I just couldn't resist. _

_A Brother's Duet:_

_ A Brother's Sorrow Chpt. 2 _

This had been the first time in many years, that I had I looked back on what I done. In every respect I don't regret what I did, it's made me stronger, invincible, yet I still try to fathom why. _What caused me to sell my soul to the devil for the sake of my brother and my greed? _

In all my years since I was a child, I am now fully crying. Now you're probably thinking that this _man _does not, should not be crying. That this _man _is too evil, too ruthless, and too psychotic to cry...he should not be crying. Yet here I am, drowning in my salty abyss. Why am I crying might one ask? Because even though I am a demon, I don't have everything. Every demon longs for something irrelevant, something worth the challenge, or something that is plain unattainable. I long for the days when I ran free and my brother always beside me. Women never were a question and our only companions were each other. Now those days are gone and so is he. This _psychotic_ front that I put up is for my own good, and maybe for others. If I can scare others away I won't hurt them, like I have myself, and others. I won't disgust them into turning away from me such as I have done to myself like my brother has done to me. I cry because I am not whole. There are pieces never to be retrieved again, pieces buried with my heart and sold with my soul.

My golden eyes are glossy and my nose is going berserk, yet I manage the strength and the dignity to stand. I cut path with a mirror and chance a peak. I look, I can say the least, terrible. Golden orbs rimmed with red, face rivaling new fallen snow and my nose has yet to cease. I gently shake my head as if to question my appearance, and that I do. _What has become of me? I am an invincible force, one to be reckoned with, yet here I am sniveling away like there's no tomorrow. _Maybe there is no tomorrow.

Training takes my mind off of these horrid things.

Down into Makai I descend. The only true peace for me is to be surrounded by a ghastly nothing. Brawling demons, crimson splattered walls, and agonizing screams don't fill my appetite anymore. Not now at least. Toguro surely would be disgusted of me now, but it is because of him that I did these deeds. Little brother I sold my soul for you. And my own greed granted, but mostly for you...

Yet you don't see it. Everything you wanted or ever wanted blinded you. You forgot about the one thing left in your miserable, pitiful excuse for a life. That was when you met her. Beauty and wit doesn't get you everywhere in life Genkai, granted I tried, but you, you tried harder. You despise me, I'm no fool, one look at your face told me that, but not as much as I despised you. Yes I wanted you, nothing more than to hold you. But it was nothing more than lust, and again greed. Whatever my brother wanted, he got, whilst I got nothing. So by lusting for you I thought I could prove that I too could get something of my own. You proved to me that love is indeed stronger than lust. That is one lesson that has always stayed with me. Why I don't know, I will never love again, nor will I lust. There may have been a time, a long time ago when I may have loved someone, but she was the sister of the fighter who finally beat me. No not Shizuru, Kyoko or commonly known as Naomi, the typer of this fic and the only one with a deep understanding of me. But she's been out of site for a while now, and I have no desire to look for her. _What will she say? Will she say anything at all or will she flee in disgust? Or will she embrace me and weep tears of joy? _One man can only dream of a woman's embrace...and dream I shall.

The harsh wind nips at my face, as if scolding me. Everyone and everything these days seems to be scolding me. But I do deserve this. Wallowing in self-pity is not something I am proud of, but what is left of me? Where do I turn to when everyone has turned away from me? Shape shifters emerge from the clearing. I am ready for them, for they are low class demons, not worth my time. As soon as they appeared they were down. One had water with them. How sanitary it was, I may never know, but as for now I was parched. It's weird to think that a demon was carrying water with them. I never have, nor have I ever seen one before. I continue on, there's one spot Ototo and I used to go to all the time. I may be ruthless and don't pity anyone nor do I show mercy, but there's one thing I haven't forgotten, how to love my brother. You're thinking this is not like me, and it isn't, but there are things in life that don't stay the same. I am one of them. That plant has taught me many things. One of which was to forgive myself. You can't forgive others if you haven't forgiven yourself.


End file.
